Wednesday, 18 September 2013

Leave Luck to Heaven News archives 1991

From the archives, 1991

  Somewhere over the skies of Izanu Island – A brave sacrifice by Recruit has failed to rescue his trainers from Flight Club.  Tony, Shirley, and Lance are still captive of the EVIL Syndicate.  It is unclear if they have been apprehended in their escape attempt, but with no helicopter to pick them up, they are going nowhere fast. 

  It was a scene out of grisly movie, where everything goes wrong.  The military refused participation, and are now refusing comment as to why.  Everyone involved, from the pilot, to the crew on the Aircraft Carrier that launched the helicopter were raw recruits.  While it is written on the pilot’s release forms that he knew of the Anti-aircraft batteries standing in his way, he had no defensive training.  And no one is admitting that they saw the real twist coming, when the pilot found himself caught off guard and under attack from dozens of hidden batteries in the dense woods.  

  “He was dodging and weaving at 500 feet,” says Ensign Gulliver, aboard the carrier, “but he was also unlucky!  I’ve not seen a swifter plummet or more burning red since the Virtual Boy!”

  Flight Club is one of several organizations dedicated to teaching and promoting safe flying.  So how did a graduate of a civilian club, granted one with a gold license, end up called into military service.  Who paid for the helicopter?  And where did the almost limitless supply of missiles come from? 

  Big Al: You can’t question flight club!  This is exactly why I keep telling people not to talk about it!

  Big Al: The only thing that matters is getting out flight instructors back, so we can resume putting new pilots through dangerous stunts and marking them down for not living up to our unrealistic time expectations.

  When asked about the cost in young pilots and helicopters shot down, Big Al commented: We actually haven’t lost any more vehicles than usual!  The pilots mostly walk away, but the machines seldom have such luck!

  In related news, Big Al, also of Flight Club, is still calling for pilots to undertake the dangerous mission; a gold grade pilot’s licence is required, but Big Al is willing to furnish such in exchange for an 8 digit pass code…

Willeam Nesil for Leave Luck to Heaven News